I don't want to do it any more. I am so burnt out.
There was this small voice in my mind that had been saying this for longer than I care to admit. It wasn't about being poor, it wasn't about the knee damage, although those were definitely some of the straws that broke the camel's back.
It took me a long time to even admit this to myself, and once I did, I finally started to feel better. But for a long time, I had a lot of guilt associated with feeling this way. Because why should I feel this way? Everyone kept saying they wish they had my "job". Oh, how wonderful it must be, to do this for a "living"! Gosh I wish I could get paid to just train all day! You are the luckiest girl in the whole world!
I don't mean to sound ungrateful, and I do appreciate all the support and encouragement from everyone.
I just wasn't happy any more.
Somewhere along the line, something that I loved to do and wanted to do became something I had to do, was obligated to do. It became something I resented and even hated at times.
I have had enough triathlon stuffed down my throat to last several lifetimes.
I am proud of everything I have done, and of course reserve the right to get over being burnt out and gimp'ed out and change my mind to come crawling back to triathlons and Ironman someday, but in the meantime, I am walking away.
Please respect my decision because this is finally MY OWN decision after letting myself be influenced by too many other people for far too long.
Which means, I don't want to hear you telling me:
- you'll get over it
- oh, you can't quit now! you were on the verge of a breakthrough!
- just do this (fill in the blank) race with me!
- (or any variations of the above)
In the meantime...I have a new sporting adventure planned. Stay tuned.